His Hurricane
by NeverThink
Summary: Perry Cox hates his current situation. He's feeling cold towards Jordan, spiteful towards the hospital and frustrated towards JD and his new emotions for him. Cox/JD SLASH. I own nothing - except a love for Scrubs. Please R&R, I'll give you e-Cookies.
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay so this is really random for me. I'm not usually a Cox/JD shipper, but I decided that I might try some sweet slash for once, and this is my attempt. I rated it at T not because of any sexual scenes/references, but because of the sensitive subjects and mild language within. This is central Dr Cox, and mostly about his life, but the JD slash comes into it. Thanks for reading, please enjoy! xxxNTxxx**_

_**A/N: Just as a side note, this is sort of a song fic, as there are lyrics from the song "Hurricane Drunk" by Florence and the Machine before each scene change (a verse for every chapter, there are four chapters). Lyrics are in italics.**_

_No walls can keep me protected._

With a groan, Perry Cox slammed his front door shut and crookedly hobbled towards the safety of his harsh, colourless couch. The usual helpings of masochistic narcissism and painfully long-winded rants helped him through most of the day, but the agony it caused him became unbearable to the point of running and hiding in the Doctor's Lounge to perhaps find two minutes of peace from that God forsaken place, but intern after intern kept coming and going... in the end it seemed that home was the healthiest place to stay. The end of his shift came all too slowly.

By the time he managed to slink into the fabrics of the couch, ready to finally close his eyes for a few moments, a shrill call from another room forced him to remember that he lived with the female devil and was never protected from the torture that was pumped towards him daily. Never.

Jordan entered the room, quick like a cheater, complete with a screaming toddler on her hip.

"Jack won't settle and it's way past his bedtime so I thought _you _could take over whilst I go out clubbing with the girls." Jordan informed her tired husband, handing over the crying child whilst grimacing.

"The girls?" Perry queried, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh yah," She perked up suddenly, applying some gloss to her lips. "I met some bitchy women at Jack's play group today and they all like slutty male pole dancers, so, yah. See ya."

She blew Jack a kiss on her way out and left Perry on his own. He sighed and held Jack at arm length in order to give a scrutinising look. The child did not falter and continued to blubber uncontrollably.

"Has mommy even checked your diaper or tried to feed you?" He complained. "Hey, Jacky, just calm the hell down, I'll sort it out. It's not like I don't sort the babies out at work anyway."

Perry hated that hospital with so much passion that sometimes it gave him goose pimples just thinking about it. And no, it wasn't the constant rabble of incompetent so-called doctors or the fact that the bathrooms hadn't been cleaned in at least ten years. No, it wasn't because that evil dictator, Kelso, always felt the need to breathe fire at the innocents or because it meant that he didn't get to see his son as much as he would like.

It wasn't any of those things (although they amounted to a serious proportion of his self-hate). The main reason why he disliked entering that hell-hole was because of _him._

Perry Cox would never admit to anyone, but he had a secret; a secret that he wouldn't ever tell his therapist, not even Carla. The scary truth was, he had started to love Jordan a little less and love someone else a little more.

JD had always been the apple of Perry's eye, but he had never - _ne-he-ver –_thought that in a million years he would ever feel this way about another man. It had all started a few weeks back, at least, that's when he thought it had started. One day, JD had walked into the ICU and brightened the whole place up. God damn, it brought a smile right out of his dreary bad mood. Unfortunately, Perry had already built up a considerably ill-fated reputation that meant as soon as the kid asked him, in his bubbly voice, what the smile was for, Dr Cox-mode had kicked in and he began to spit and shout at his little protégée. JD stammered, tried to blow it back in his face and then stormed off like a girl. Perry had sighed, rubbed his face and tried to forget the whole experience.

Just like he tried to forget every single experience he ever had with JD. For some reason, they all ended the same way – a laugh, a cry and a painful sigh. And JD knew nothing about Perry's undesirable feelings towards him. They would be an odd-pair and Perry would no longer be feared within the hospital, so letting his feelings free would be a bad idea.

So completely, going the wrong way about showing his love and care for someone,Perry would end up in the same twist of anger and self-hatred. Coming home to Jordan only made the matters worse, as he knew that someday he would have to tell her that his heart was elsewhere. Someday he would have to explain to his son that he like another man, and that's why daddy left back when.

It was not that he liked men. Oh no, Perry was not a homosexual. It wasn't all men – it was just that one guy. Was that what true love was? Being in love with someone no matter what the circumstance? God, this was too much to handle at times.

Perry finished feeding Jack at this late hour of ten-thirty and grinned at his son who had stopped crying the instant his father had carried him towards the kitchen. He loved that little guy so much.

"Jacky, you're gonna be a champ and head off to the land of dreams, right?" Perry encouraged as he put Jack down in his crib. "Daddy loves you very much. Goodnight."

Just as he turned the bulb off to Jack's room, his pager began to bleep and he growled at the message within it. Okay, so maybe he loved JD but that kid was damn annoying! He threw the pager to the ground and rang the nanny as quickly as he could. It seemed that the walls surrounding him right now couldn't even save him from the pressures of work.

_No sleet – nothing between me and the rain._

That stupid grin was not the thing to greet Perry as he rushed into the ICU, clearly out of breath and completely drained. JD, dishevelled and exhausted, pushed a chart into his chest and explained the situation quickly. There were about ten to fifteen interns running around them and five nurses busily working at various beds. Three crash carts were carelessly floating around whilst JD and two other doctors were the only ones there. Apparently, there were under-staffed.

"I'm sorry, Dr Cox, but there aren't any members of staff available tonight and six of our ICU patients are on their way out," He sped his words, pulling Perry by the coat in his explanation. Perry tried to stay focussed throughout the contact, keeping damn sure that his stony expression never faltered.

"We've got a couple nurses and some interns on each patient but we don't know what we're doing," JD continued. "Every time I go to a patient, another one needs more help, and so on, so I paged you because-"

And that's when it came. For some reason, every time Perry felt strongly towards JD in any way, he would come up with the most incredibly hurtful rants that would help steer everyone away from thinking that he would look at JD that way. Psychology, you see. It sometimes works, Christ almighty.

"You paged me away from my son when there was no one else in the house to look after him, because you suddenly realized just how much of an incompetent doctor you really are, didn't ya, Newbie?" Perry started, feeling the gravel in his throat. "I was at home, ready to go to bed, only just setting Jack down for sleepy times when you, you nagging, nerdy little cling-monkey, decided that you're not good enough for the thing that you do all the God damn time. For God's sakes, Leticia, you're old enough to do this kind of thing by yourself now! There are more than enough people in this room to solve this catastrophe that you're whiney little interns probably started in the first place! It's time you learnt to stop coming crying to me every time someone pushed you over!"

JD stared at Perry and nodded. "Sorry." He moved on and continued his job.

Feeling completely bad but having to stay looking irritated, Perry joined in with the helping anyway, resulting in four patients living and two dying. They were probably off to heaven anyway, but it still didn't make him feel much better when they did die. Afterwards, the nurses gave him a face that said he was an idiot for ranting at a time like this, and even some of the interns shook their heads they thought they were out of his eye line.

JD glanced at Perry and made to sneak past him but the older man grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. "Look, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, you should be." JD stuttered, trying to act accomplished. "People died. Granted, they were, like, 80, but that's not the point."

"You know how I am." Perry shrugged. "Black and white. There's no in between with me. Like most things."

"That's not true, gray exists." JD pointed out. "There's goo between solid and liquid and there's sleet between snow and rain."

"I feel like sleet. That's not how I do things and you know it. Now get going. I'm sure you have a busy night on call."

"I don't, I'm going home now."

"Oh really?" At that point, Perry tried to ignore the little urges in the pit of his stomach that were screaming at him to offer the kid a lift home and then maybe see where things went from there. Perhaps if he finally sorted his feelings out, they would turn out to be something else more reasonable and manly?

Perry knew what he had to do. He had to stifle those screams and just nod at his protégée, because nothing sickened him more than homosexual relations with someone who wasn't actually homosexual. No offence to the gays, or anything, because he had nothing against them. But to lie about his sexuality just because of one smart-mouthed punk? It didn't seem right. He was confident about who he was as a person and no amount of girlish feelings would ever change that.

When he got home, Jordan was sat on the couch tapping her foot impatiently with a look of death on her face. Apparently, leaving Jack with the nanny to go save lives was wrong, but leaving him with his broken father to go clubbing was perfectly fine. The anger dwelled inside Perry's guts all through the night and carried on till morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**_This chapter concludes the first verse of the song. I hope you're enjoying it so far, I don't have much to say so I'll let you get on with it. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

_And you can't save me now, I'm in the grip of a hurricane._

The anger did not stop even when Perry charged into Sacred Heart and began his new work shift by leaning on the nurses' station and waiting for him patient charts. Carla hadn't noticed his mood and was singing under her breath as she searched for his name on the doctor's board and fished out his share of files. He snatched them from her and growled, which clearly made her cautious. She snapped back with her teeth as a joke to try and make him smile, but he just ignored her humour and rifled through his first chart.

"What's up with you, Coxy?" She sighed, more sympathetic than she sounded, apparently. Perry didn't feel like being nice to anyone today, not after the mess he'd created last night, so his reaction was not particularly sunny.

"Listen up, Nursey," He mocked her half hearted tones. "I don't much appreciate being mothered when I didn't ask you for any help, so why don't ya just get back to counting pens or whatever the hell it is you actually do around here. While you're there, I hear the paperclips got all tangled, you might want to sort that out before Laverne gets her fat ass in here."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Carla used attitude to demonstrate her annoyance. "You can talk to me like that, curly. I do nothing but mop up for you doctors all day and night and all I get in return is crap. And to put it bluntly, I've had enough. Either you tell me what your problem is or you get off my turf."

"Your turf?" Perry scoffed. "I don't take orders from chicks like you."

"Times have changed, then." Carla smirked. "Honestly, telling someone about your problems has got to be more effective than bottling it all up and exploding."

"I prefer the metaphor Jordan used just this morning," Perry tried to make amends with jokes now. "She said I take everyone down with me, like a burst of murderous wind. Twisting, twirling and spinning out of control until everyone, including my very good self, dies in horrible, horrible pain."

"You ex wife is so lovely." Carla frowned. "What is it that's upset you anyway? Now that you're speaking nicely again."

"Something or nothing." He waved her off, and walked towards his first patient's room. Mr Carbone had been here for a few weeks now and was complaining about some kind of stomach pain. Although there was no issues able to be found by the medical staff, the surgical bad boys had not yet been informed about his condition and today was the day that Perry would consider a consult of that district. He beeped Turk in and threw the metal chart into the fatty's stomach so that he winced doubled back.

"Hey, man, winded!" Turk pointed out. "Any need to hurt a brother?"

"I thought it would be funny." Perry narrowed his eyes. "And guess what, Ghandi? It was."

"I don't hear you laughing."

"I am laughing in my mind, trust me."

"Yeah, Carla said you were all mean and moody today," Turk mused. "I just think you're being your usual bad mannered self, to be honest. Dude, you got issues."

"I know I have but it's none of your business." Oh, God, how Perry hated that scalpel jockey. Him, most of all out of anyone, in fact, mainly because he was the only one close enough to JD to be able to hold him without feeling uncomfortable. That stupid surgeon was the only one who could get into Newbie's mind and understand how he feels without feeling idiotic. So whenever he saw Turk he would try his best to be as hostile as possible. It was the only way to release his pent up emotions, right?

"You wanna keep moving or d'ya wanna take a picture?" Perry continued to mock. "I got loads of free time, I don't mind letting my patients suffer whilst I have an odd-ball staring contest with you. I know I'm good looking, but _come on_!"

"Dude, dude, calm down." Turk half laughed. "I gotta go do my thing anyhow, remember how you paged me? Surgical consult, Grumbles."

"Grumbles." Perry growled. "Damn everyone and everything."

"I can see why he might think you're Grumbles." Kelso piped up as he randomly strolled past as he seemed to do quite a lot. "Now stop shouting at my staff and get on with your job, it's what I pay you too little to do."

Ignoring his enemies comments, Perry tried to keep up with his work and stay available to all of his patients, however the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach would not go away and the ever-lasting fears that he would die unfulfilled toyed in his brain constantly. He'd gone through these sort of emotions before with Carla a long time ago, but had managed to suppress it until, like now, he felt no kind of love for her, only friendship. Perhaps, if he kept this pretence up, the same would happen with JD? He didn't know, but it was his only option.

So far today he had woken up livid and carried that darkness with him, dishing out a piece to everyone who offered their advice. It was almost as if he couldn't stop, like barking orders and glaring sadistically were the only ways of relieving himself from this storm. That's what he was, wasn't it? A thunder storm. Just as he thought he might be able to put that behind him and go home a little brighter, the cause of all of this came gliding through the door and entered his patient's room.

"How you doing, Per?" JD asked, ever bubbly, apparently having forgave his mentor for any crimes against his happiness. This annoyed Perry. How come the kid never held a grudge against him? It was like he was stuck in a vicious loop, forever a sheep following the not-quite-so-wise shepherd.

No. He would not shout at him. He would not call him a girl's name or point out holes in his sexuality (although these things were almost wishes in Perry's head). No, today he would not go there. He would smile at JD and wave, answer his question politely and maybe even invite him for a drink. He didn't like the feeling of being compressed, pressured and alone. He needed to get rid of these issues and fast.

_I'm gonna blow this all away_

"Hey, Newbie." Perry cleared his throat, unsure how to do this without seeming different. A friendly smile, perhaps? No wave, that's too much. Just a smile and a nod. That'll do. Now tell him how you are feeling today, that was his question. "I'm... good. I'm very good. Good, good, good."

"Good." JD frowned. "Okay, so I was sent here because this guy wants to switch doctors."

"What?" Perry snarled, unable to hold in his sudden astonishment. The patient in the bed, an old balding man, shrugged at him. "Why?"

"You keep staring out of the window and ignoring me." The guy explained. "I want a competent doctor, not a dreamer. I'm sorry."

"...don't be sorry." Perry tried to cough away the croak in his voice. "It's fine. Sarah, here's his chart."

"Thank you." JD took it without question the female introduction; this was nothing new.

Perry needed to get out of that room. There were two things floating around his mind, two option which both seemed too much to bear right now. Either get angry, throw some furniture and blame JD for stealing his patient which may result in more self-hatred and doubtful storm clouds... or, pat Newbie on the shoulder and invite him to the bar after work. You know, just as friends.

In conclusion, the latter idea appeared to be the least painful. He swallowed hard and rested his hand on JD's shoulder, who looked up in alarm.

"What is it, Dr Cox?" JD probed, staring at the hand which had not moved. Realizing, Perry gasped and lifted his hand, patted down onto his protégée's shoulder and then removed it just as quick. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Clarabelle." Oh nice, you can never have enough degrading nick names. "A couple of us are heading off to the bar after our shifts are over, you coming?"

The honour and excitement was clear on JD's face, and his childish glee made Perry's eyes roll. Why must he act like such a girl? The better question would be: why did Perry love that he acted like such a girl?

"I would love that." JD answered, fighting back emotional tears.

"See you there." Perry gave a salute – for reasons unknown – and exited the room. At first, he felt good. He congratulated himself on the baby step he had taken and then forced a smile onto his damaged face. But, as most good things never last, he remembered that JD thought other people were going too, and Perry had not invited anyone else. He cursed loudly, receiving a look from a passing orderly, and turned on his heels to head to the nurses' station. If anyone could help him in his darkest hour, it would be Carla.

"I can't go tonight." Carla replied, beating him whilst he was already down. "I'm pregnant, I gotta look after number one. Ask someone else."

"Fine." Perry scowled at her and turned around, promising himself he would ask the next person that he clasped eyes on. Unfortunately, that person happened to be the Frankenstein look-alike, the humble Janitor. The mop-wielding loony stopped and stared at Perry when he caught his eye line, dropping the cleaning materials in his hand.

"What do you want?" The Janitor queried, eyes narrowed.

"I'm going to a bar." Perry folded his arms. "You coming."

"Depends." The Janitor put his hands in his pockets. "What's in it for me?"

"Beer, beer and more beer." Perry shrugged. "I just want someone else there. You in?"

The Janitor stared at him hard for a while before shrugging. "Sure, why not?

"Ooh, is everyone going out somewhere or something?" Elliot squealed in delight as she overheard a conversation.

"Does not concern you!" Perry sighed. There was another person he could not stand – the only one around here who had gotten close enough to JD to actually _hold _him. Ugh, how flowery.

"I want to come." Elliot frowned. "Bar? I've got loads of things to drink about. Hey, who else is going?"

"Bambi and the Janitor." Carla piped up. Perry shuddered and dropped his head into his hands. He did _not _want that blonde haired bubble headed neurotic mess hanging around with them, not when JD had no girlfriend and was jealous of Keith. This was potentially dangerous.

"I'm so there!" Elliot giggled.

"Oh, God, if you do come please don't come anywhere near me, Barbie."

So that was it. But at least Perry didn't feel unloved or unwanted again, and the urge to strangle others and himself had faded since asking JD to go out. He'd managed to shift that, and maybe he would get a lot more shifted if he could just continue his quest for confidence. After all, it was just a stupid phase, right?


	3. Chapter 3

**_We are now into the Chorus of the song! I really hope you are all enjoying this slightly romantic angst at the moment, and I hope that it's not too much out of character in any way. If it is, you know what to do – just tell me! I'm sorry that this is majorly long, but I wanted to get the entire chorus in one chapter instead of splitting it like the verses. Also, there's a splash of slash in there for you :) Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

_I'm going out; I'm gonna drink myself to death._

Of course, it was Perry that brought in the rounds. The Janitor said it was only fair since none of them were actually supposed to be there until a few hours ago, and it was kind of like a last minute sleepover where the girls are too tired to pillow fight. Perry had ignored his random analogy and went straight to the bar – anywhere to get away from the discomfort of sitting at that table. Perry sat at the back, with the Janitor a little way off to his left and darkened by shadows in some kind of creepy horror movie style. To Perry's right, JD sat, bouncing up and down on his chair like a giddy school girl mainly because he couldn't believe that his inadvertent mentor had asked him for a drink. Next him and opposite Perry was Barbie. Elliot was using this opportunity to blabber on and on about anything that had annoying or upset her that day. The very thought of her voice sent shivers down Perry's spine, which is why, in conclusion, he was glad to get the beers in.

He would have to just put up with the uncomfortable night, though, because in the long run he was doing something he had always wanted to do; he was getting closer to JD. Unfortunately, Elliot would not stop talking and had caught JD's attention like a fly to light. This left Perry to either listen to her neurotic ramblings, or try to have a conversation with the Janitor, but they were always short-lived and to do with stuffing animals.

"... and then the lady puked on me," Barbie was drabbling. "I mean, I wasn't even anywhere near her but that woman has major issues... anyhoo, I tried to revive her after the throat blockage thing but that just made her hurl in my face, so I had to go home and get some clean garb, and yes I know I've never used the word 'garb' before but Keith said it when he passed me my newly ironed dress and I thought it was so cute!"

"Ah, Keith." JD hissed, and Perry tried not to laugh at his jealousy. "How is that guy lately?"

"All the better since the engagement, actually." Elliot nodded ferociously. "He's gotten really sweet, not that he wasn't sweet to start off."

And she was gone again, back into another endless cycle of nothingness that no one at this table, now especially JD, cared about. Perry sighed and gulped down his whiskey shot, hoping that the burning liquid would take away the pain. It seemed rude to continue his alcoholism in front of others, but sometimes he thought that if he drank himself to complete death, then he would no longer have to feel the emotions that most other people did. It would numb him for one more night.

"I'm off." The Janitor exclaimed as he downed the last of his pint and slammed it on the table. "You guys are lame."

"I don't even know why you're here." JD winced. "You hate me."

"Angry Doctor invited me like an hour ago," Was the last thing the Janitor said before he left the bar altogether, without so much as a goodbye.

"Weird, didn't think you two got along, I thought this was just random company." JD shrugged. "You know, like everyone in the hospital was coming or something."

"Look around," Perry snarled. "Does it look like any other doctor is in this joint?"

"Not really, good point." JD sighed. "So why did you invite the Janitor, then?"

"Was the first person he saw, Carla said." Elliot put in at that point. "Isn't that right? She said you were really desperate to find someone to go out with you after inviting JD."

"What?" JD grimaced, then smiled. "So why did you invite Elliot?"

"Oh, I invited myself."

"Aw, Barbie, so close to being strangled right now..." Perry growled under his breath. He could feel JD's gaze on him, so he chose not to look up and meet it. "Let me get another round in, right?"

Perry stood up and briskly walked away, unsure whether or not his protégée was still staring at him or not. That dozy blonde-haired air-head had given away that JD was the first and only person he had actually invited with pleasure. Now the kid was probably day-dreaming of the possible reasons for this, and none of them would even come close. How could Perry sit back down without getting awkward? He turned back for a fleeting glance at JD, but ended up intensively watching him when he noticed how JD was acting around Elliot.

_And in the crowd, I see you with someone else._

It was too much to cope with, to wait for the beer (and appletini) to be poured as all Perry wanted to do was run over to the table and pull little Barbie's blonde-tastic bangs out from her scalp and then burn them before her eyes. How could she sit there, a taken woman, and flirt so badly with her ex boyfriend whom she claims to have no romantic feelings for? Although, if Perry was honest with himself, he may have been blowing the whole 'flirting' thing out of proportion; never-the-less, it sickened him.

He desperately squinted through the thickening crowds of the bar to see JD and his puppy dog eyes checking Elliot out whilst she caressed the table during her manic story. Okay, so 'caressed' was probably the wrong word to use... this was messing with Perry's head, so much so that when the bartender tried to ask him for money after pouring the drinks, it took two attempts to catch his attention. After that incident, Perry numbly made his way towards the table and slumped into his seat, suddenly aware that his company was indescribably dull. Suddenly, Dr Cox-mode kicked in once again and he realized that he was cramping his own style. This was complete madness. What on God's green Earth was he doing sat with these two numb-nuts? Oh yea... trying to find himself the right path... well things weren't going well, were they? He growled into his glass and tuned out their voices.

And then, after what only seemed like seconds but must have been longer, a hand fell onto Perry's shoulder and he looked up to see both idiots staring at him strangely. It was JD's hand on him, and he jittered, making his shudder look more like he was shrugging him off cold heartedly.

"Dr Cox, are you okay?" Elliot asked him. "You've been staring at once spot for a long time now, your eyes kinda glazed over."

"Yeah, I don't think you look too good." JD included. "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Oh, dear God." Perry breathed. "Don't say that again, Newbie and for Gosh sake's I'm fine. I just didn't notice before how annoying you two birdies could really be."

"You invited us." JD frowned. "Well, one of us, and anyway, it was your choice to come out here. We didn't ask to come. Well, she did... look, that isn't the point. I'm taking you home."

"I thought I told you not to say that." Perry warned him, putting a finger in the air to signify his threat.

"Oh, please." Elliot rolled her eyes. "Come on, we'll take you back to Jordan."

"Oh great, her." Perry sighed. "I'm not drunk, I'm just-"

"Just on your tenth whiskey chaser" Barbie pointed out. "We get it, don't worry. You're lonely, it's obvious."

"I am _nawt _lonely."

"It doesn't matter, you don't have to admit it." JD laughed. "Now, come on! Elliot hasn't been drinking and the car's out front."

"Oh, the joys of being the designated driver." She giggled back. "Hey, JD, I just had a really weird thought of you driving us all home on your scooter."

"Sacha wouldn't be able to take the weight," JD gasped, fearfully, before drifting off into a fantasy.

"Don't you think it's so cute when he does that?" Elliot looked at Perry.

"No. Nor should you." Perry replied, standing up. "If we're going now, then just take me, okay? I don't care anymore."

"It would be cool but we'd probably run out of cotton candy." JD commented after waking up, and then shrugged before also standing. "Come on then, let's go.

_I brace myself, 'cause I know it's gonna hurt._

Perry knew he was drunk now. The depression was setting in and he couldn't actually feel himself walking, more like he was being dragged up the stairs. He decided that now might be the time to open his eyes and see where he was being taken (and by who, for that matter). Bleary eyed, he could just make out the outline of his apartment door where the two people holding either of his arms suddenly stopped. He looked up to one side, and saw that bimbo doctor from his hospital – ooh, he hated her – grimacing and constantly blowing the hair from his face. That damn strand just would not stop falling down. Perry looked to the other side and saw that goofy looking doctor from his hospital also grimacing but at the same time constantly glancing down at Perry.

Perry liked this guy, if he could remember. People always say you're more truthful when you're drunk, which meant that his initial smile upon seeing the goofy man's face was full of honesty. He liked this guy. Johnny, wasn't it? Something like that.

The goofy guy was propping Perry up now, allowing the blonde one to push him against the wall so that he could lean instead of forcing them to hold his weight. Perry snarled at the two of them, because that's how he acted when drunk; as thought everyone and everything around him was out to get him.

"You got your keys, Per?" The goofy guy looked into his eyes. They were sparkling and so blue. Perry shook his head and shrugged, so the goofy guy sighed and forced his hand into the older man's trouser pockets. "Let me see... ah, here they are."

"You know, I like you." Perry mumbled, although it was supposed to be a thought.

"I like you too, Perry!" The goofy guy beamed at this, shooting a look of pride at the blonde woman and then pushing the key into the apartment door. "Whoever said drunk Dr Cox was no fun... well, they were wrong, Elliot."

Elliot! That's who the blonde one was. Perry remembered her, but still wasn't sure why he hated her. She seemed okay to him, aside from her apparent annoying tendencies and whiney voice. Perry disliked things like that, they were so superficial and pathetic. Maybe that was why he hated her? No, that was too strong a word to be associated with something the poor girl couldn't actually help. There had to be another reason.

Perry was sure he hadn't been that drunk when they were in the bar, but his memory of leaving that place was a little hazy. He decided to communicate that thought with the others. Elliot then explained.

"We were on our way out, but JD thought he saw someone famous going into the men's bathroom, so we waited by the bar and started getting in more drinks. You got pretty wasted. Anyhoo, JD came back and it turned out that guy wasn't really famous, just some unfortunate dude in the wrong place at the wrong time... right, JD?"

JD! That was the goofy guys name. He knew it was something like Johnny.

"Look, it could have been Justin Timberlake!" JD insisted. "I only saw the back of his head, and I was going off his boy band days, alright?"

Perry chuckled. Typical Newbie. Always acting so _childlike. _Perry hated people who act like children – so why did he love this guy so much? Everything was so much foggier after so much alcohol. His brain just couldn't make the right connections. JD put the keys back in Perry's pocket and then indicated to the door.

"You better get in there, otherwise Jordan will go insane."

"Yeah, I know." Perry growled at the mention of _her _name. He had loved Jordan, even a few months ago, but lately her angry, snide comments made him groan and her selfish ways were rubbing him up the wrong way. He needed something different, something a little less harsh. A taster, maybe, of what it would be like to be with an ordinary person. A normal person. Someone who had a heart.

Someone who had a heart was staring him in the face right now, and that was when Perry remembered why he loved that guy so much. He also remembered the motive he had for going out tonight – getting closer to JD. At this point in time, Perry felt that he was on his last chance. Soon, he would be shoved into his cold, harsh apartment to be left at the claws of the She-Devil. He had to make the most of this precious time he had... or was that just the drink talking... Perry couldn't decide. So he went with what he was feeling right now. Who cares if he was drunk?

This was going to be painful, wasn't it? This was going to hurt a lot. Admitting a weakness was never a big thing for Perry, not even ones like this. So he winced slightly, his last sober thought, as he braced himself for the coming apocalypse.

He grabbed at JD's t-shirt, yanking the young doctor off his feet and turning him so that he could push him into the wall. The cry from JD suggested that this was out of the blue, and also that he thought Perry was going to hurt him. With a whiskey-soaked chuckle, Perry moved forward and pressed hard against JD's fighting lips, unsure what he would actually feel or think afterwards – he had never kissed a man before, not to his recollection. It was certainly a strange experience; mainly because the subject in question was struggling against it and also because there was a woman behind him making funny noises, first yelps of shock with additional laughter and then gasps when she realized this was actually happening.

After a split second or two, Elliot pulled Perry back, probably because she could see that JD was not enjoying himself too much. JD made an intake of breath and moved away quickly, eyes wild and frightened. Perry just laughed, stumbled backwards and pulled the handle down on his apartment door.

"I knew it would hurt!" He announced, before falling into his home and blacking out completely.

_But I like to think at least things can't get any worse._

Beams of light were filtering through the curtains and glaring into Perry's closed eyes, which were the first things to wake him. Feeling the pounding headache and loss of memory, he groaned and closed his eyes again until Jordan came in and shook him awake, yelling something about staying out too late last night. She pulled at his shirt until he complained and unsteadily made a stand for himself. His throat was stinging, and his lips tasted of apple for some reason. He blinked rapidly at the unwelcome sunlight and ignored Jordan's angry complaints to walk into the bathroom and check himself out in the mirror. His mass curls were out of place and especially bouncy. He growled at them as they pushed themselves back up after being smoothed down.

"It'll be fine." His voice gravelled, and he immediately threw up in the toilet afterwards. "Okay, maybe I'm sick."

"You're an alcoholic!" Jordan shouted from another room. "You should really cut down for Jack's sake. I can't be looking after him all night!"

"Oh, sorry, dear, and the other day was just, what?" He bit back. "Getting to know those heterosexual man-beasts from day care? Seriously, what happened to all the good mothers?"

"I'll have you know I'm an excellent mother. Jack thinks so."

"Whatever, I don't give a damn." Perry croaked and stared into the mirror. He knew that he had to cautious of something today, but he couldn't quite make out what of. He interrogated his bloodshot eyes, but no response was measured.

Leaving for work with a hangover probably wasn't the best thing in the world to do, but at least he wasn't drunk now. He had to get out of that house, Jordan was driving him insane! Seriously, how did she expect him to love her if she was acting like that all of them time?

On the way into Sacred Heart, Perry made it his mission to figure out what happened last night. His mind was full of regret but for what reason? Remembering his company that night, he decided to turn to his protégée and ask him. Unfortunately, at the mere sight of his mentor, JD looked horrified and practically ran away. That's when little things started to come back to Perry, bit by bit. He remembered being carried along the apartment building, feeling too heavy for himself. He sort of remembered his keys being fished out of his pockets.

Perry battled with his mind, trying his darnedest to discover the events of the night before. Stupid whiskey's must've wiped his memory box, as they always did. It was the easiest source for rubbing away pain. Maybe something hurtful happened, something that he was supposed to forget? He shook his head and moved into his first patient's room. It was Mr Yates, a young man in his 20's who had a bad case of HIV.

"Hey, doc." The guy smiled brightly. "Does anyone know if I have AIDs or not yet?"

"Test results are coming in today." Perry answered him.

"Okay, well, I hope you don't mind that I brought my life partner in today. His name is Stephan."

"Naw, that's fine." Perry shrugged, scribbling down his patient's actions onto the chart so as to keep up with his well-being. When he next looked up, Yates and Stephan were lightly kissing one another. Suddenly, terrible memories became all too clear. Perry held in his gasp and indicated that he needed a moment.

"Oh, dear God..." He mumbled as he felt his head go dizzy. Had he really attempted to kiss Newbie? What was he thinking? But there was something else... Barbie! Elliot had been there too. She knew about it. God damn it, he had to find her and fast before she told anyone about this... "At least things can't get any worse."

As he ran down several corridors, he finally saw her on the phone to someone and looking rather uncertain. He caught up with her and also heard the last few words of her conversation before she hung up.

"... and he actually, um, kissed JD. Oh..., I'll, err, call you back." She bit her lip and flipped her cell down. "Oh my God, Dr Cox, hey."

"Oh _my _God." Dr Cox corrected her, and placed his hands behind his head. "Who the hell was that you were talking to? It better have been Carla, because if you've told anyone else..."

"Um, no. It wasn't Carla." Elliot winced. "It was... Jordan."

At least things can't get any worse. Yeah, right.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Sorry for the delay, but I was busy preparing for my Prom. Now that it's over, I can continue with my fic. I hope you're all enjoying this random slash that's being dished out right now! Last time I left you, Perry had drunkenly kissed JD with Elliot as witness, who immediately told Jordan over the phone. No one else knows... but for how long...? Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

_No home, don't want shelter_

There was nothing Perry could do. He stared at Elliot as she bit her lip and looked all concerned for him – why did she have to stick her Barbie-plastic nose into his business? I mean, for God's sake, it was an accident! An event that he had hoped, for that tiny moment he had remembered it, that he could soon forget. Devastatingly, the alcohol intake had clouded his judgments and for two seconds he had believed that he was okay with it. Soberly, he knew that nothing could nor would ever happen between Newbie and he, and any flirtations or moves would be unnecessary and unforgiving. Why was it that drunken brains didn't register the morals of the fully conscious?

Unfortunately there was no way out of this one now, as that bubbled headed bimbo had just come off the phone to Perry's lovely ex-wife, concluding her mission of completely crushing him in two. Deflated from the run down the halls, all he could do that stare into her soul and put his hands in his pockets. The longer they stood looking at each other, the more gradual his hands emerged from their shelters and placed themselves on his head.

"What did you do?" He croaked at her, breaking the silence.

"Dr Cox, something happened last night and I have to get to the bottom of it," Elliot began her squeaky explanation. "I know that you don't have feelings for JD, but for some reason you made a move on him."

"There's no psychological crap to do with this." Perry sighed, but she continued her theory.

"We already established in the bar that you're lonely, that's why you started inviting people out." She crinkled her forehead. "I don't know much about how the human brain reacts to loneliness, but you were obviously lashing out. You just chose the wrong person."

"Why-why would I be lonely?" Perry challenged.

Elliot shrugged. "Feeling abandoned by Jordan? That was just my guess, which is why I told her. I know it wasn't my place, but she needs to know what's happening to you."

"Got everything covered, eh, Barbie?"

"Not quite... I still don't get why you chose JD to lean on."

"Of course you don't." Perry half-laughed. "You know, I could just let you get away with believing that load of crap you just spewed out. Half of it's the truth anyhow. There's just one thing I can't let you do, and that's to believe the lie. Gosh darn it, somehow it feels good to be able to talk to someone about it..."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot grimaced, lowering her voice as some doctors walked by.

"I'm not leaning on JD because I have no one else to turn to," Perry rolled his eyes around his sockets before leaning in close to Barbaroo. "I did it because a part of me wanted to."

"What?" Elliot looked appalled, and she was about to expand on her question when Carla snuck up from behind Perry and poked his ribs, making him jolt.

"Hey, you." She smiled. "You're needed in room 303, apparently you just ran out on your patient?"

"I asked him to give me a minute." Perry corrected. "Fine, I'm going. Oh, and Barbie? That chat we just had is between us, mhmm?"

"Oh yah." Elliot responded. Perry walked away, trying to be steady and average in speed as all he wanted to do was run from this place. His patient wasn't too upset about his abandoning, mainly because there was no treatments taking place at the time, plus Perry could give him the fantastic news that, no, he did not have AIDs and, yes, he could go home soon. The man had thanked him repeatedly and given his life partner yet another kiss, making Perry's head take a spin. Usually, this kind of thing never bothered him. But lately? Everything was upside down.

The outside world felt different now; it felt cold, empty and stormy. Everywhere he looked, clouds and thunder surrounded him even though it was quite sunny today. Wherever he looked, his vision blurred into black, smudgy shadows so that it was almost impossible to see where he was going. Never before had Perry been effected by an event like this, and it was proof that he was not ready for whatever was happening to him now. At least if he did get home, he would be sheltered from this hellish experience – or would he? After his shift Perry knew that he would have to return back to his apartment and face the wrath of the fully aware Jordan Godzilla Sullivan. It didn't even feel like home anymore.

He reached forward to take hold of the door handle to his place, and felt the cold metal tingle his skin. All he had to do now was twist it and go inside. His palm's sweated and the handle slipped from his grip. He didn't want to go in there now.

_No calm; nothing to keep me from the storm._

Just as he decided that going elsewhere would be his best option about now, the door swung open and revealed Jordan holding a black garbage bag in one hand and a balled up fist in the other. She eyed him as he double-backed slightly.

"Oh, it's you." She seemed to smile now. "I heard about your little... incident?" Was that a laugh?

"Yeah... I know." Perry chewed on his gum. "What of it?"

"Oh my God, Perry, you kissed another man!" Jordan was definitely laughing now. "I mean, this is huge news! Turns out you are a fairy. This is so delicious."

"I was afraid you'd be mad and yet here you are mocking me like always." Perry snarled and pushed past her to get inside. "That's why you make me sick. Where's Jacky?"

"I just put him down for sleep so don't disturb him." Jordan shouted over her shoulder. "I'm putting out the trash. Stay here, I wanna know every detail!"

Perry sighed and gritted his teeth – he would have preferred it if Jordan was going up the wall right now. Anger was his only source of happiness, as was well displayed during a normal working day. A fight with Jordan would be much easier than trying to sit through her snide comments and humiliating attacks. She was going to make him squirm for this, because in her eyes, this was the funniest thing in the world. Apparently, any pain suffered by her ex husband was hilarious. Perry was starting to remember why they had troubles just before their divorce all that time ago.

Ignoring her strict command, Perry creaked Jack's bedroom door and poked his head through, noticing that the boy was awake and looking around the room. Calculating that it would take Jordan five minutes to come back to the apartment from the garbage bins, Perry tiptoed into Jack's room and grinned at his son. Jack grinned back and reached his arms out to be held.

"Daddy!" The little boy was beaming. Perry loved his smile.

"Hey there, Jacky." Perry sat on the bed and eased the boy onto his lap. "How you doing, son?"

"I ate thwee lady-bugs today."

"That's... interesting."

A few minutes of listening to the random thoughts of a four year old later and the front door slammed. Perry cursed and kissed Jack on the forehead, said goodnight and tried to slip out of his door without the She-Devil seeing. Unfortunately, Jordan was right there with her hands on her hips.

"You know later in life if you and DJ get together you're gonna have to explain that one to your son." She pointed out. "Anyways, I said I wanted to know everything. Is he a lip biter or is he gentle? "

Perry winced. "Jordan..."

"Is he the feminine one? That's what I'm guessing anyway... do you enjoy the sex?"

"Listen, Jordan, stop talking for a God damn minute and I'll explain-"

"How many times a day do you sneak off behind my back?" She raised her eyebrows and pouted. "I need to know these things, Per."

"We don't." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was a drunken mistake; it was _ne-he-ver_ happened before."

"Oh that's what they all say." Jordan teased.

"Why are you being like this?" He demanded. "I expected the flames, why are you being so callous?"

"I'm not surprised," She put a hand to his cheek. "You've been acting weird for a long time now and I've seen the way you look at him. Why do you think I've got Stick's cell number? Why do you think she was so desperate to join in your bar night?"

"You-you set me up?" Perry felt the anger coming back to his surface, bubbling up until the white flash of rage almost reached his eyes.

"Of course I didn't!" Jordan snapped. "I've got her number because of that time I actually liked her – FYI, can't stand her now." She sighed. "It was all just coincidence Perry, but I'm still not surprised. And to be perfectly honest I haven't been happy with us for a long time. I'm happy for you to move on if you'll let _me_."

Even that little sentence tipped Perry over the edge – it was what he wanted, damn sure, to be rid of her and everything she stood for. It would be easier for him to get out of this stupid rut he'd found himself following. But soon he realized that meant Jack would be taken away from him.

Perhaps that was why he allowed the white rage to overtake his mind and spirit. Maybe that was why he began to trash the apartment before Jordan's very eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Ah, the classic Cox-Angst that we all love so much! Don't worry, we're moving on from that soon. There is more Elliot, more JD and even a little Carla! Anyhoo, please enjoy the concluding verse 2 and the wonders it may bring... enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

_And you can't hold me down, 'cause I belong to the hurricane._

After destroying his own apartment, which consisted of lamp-shade smashing, book throwing, ornament breaking fun, Perry seemed to curl up into a ball, crouched on the floor in the middle of the mess he had made. He placed his hands in the praying position, gripping his nose and mouth with it, and stared up at the ceiling for a long time before anyone said anything. The silence allowed him to hear his son, the reason for his explosion, crying from the noise. The made Perry's heart ache the most, and he screwed up his eyes in pain. Jordan came to crouch beside him and put an arm around his shoulder; for a split second, he thought she might actually be understanding. Then she said this:

"Is this your annual 'I'm a tortured soul' display? Because if it is then it's just a huge shame you decided to take it out on your own apartment, it really is." She stood up and clapped her hands. "Listen, I'm taking Jack and we're gonna live at my mother's until we find another place to stay. Feel free to visit when you're not in danger-city, kay?"

Perry had been rocking slightly, but now he stopped and looked at Jordan. "You're taking my son away from me?"

"Of course not..." She tipped her head to one side. "Well, yeah. Good luck cleaning this place, Per!"

She left him that night, taking Jack with her. A part of him knew that he did not deserve this, but a stronger, more dominant part of him thought it was perfectly fine for her to act like this. After all... he did kiss another man. That moment would haunt him for the rest of his life – but not as much as the moment when JD had actually run away from him as a result of utter terror and most probably embarrassment. A few years ago, Perry would have loved for the needy cling-on to finally be repelled by his presence, as that would give him the peace and quiet he so wished for all that time ago. But now all he wanted was things to go back to normal and for him to keep his little crush a secret. He could live with that.

The next day at Sacred Heart, Barbie literally jogged to catch up to him and fell into his pace on the way into the hospital. He groaned and tried to ignore her judgmental stares.

"Dr Cox, can we talk about yesterday?" She finally queried.

"No we cannot." He replied, shoving a hand in her face and turning a corner in the hope that it would puzzle her air-filled brain. Unfortunately, she was acting like a woman on a mission and easily slid back to his side once again.

"It will only take a minute and we can do it in the on-call room so no one will hear." She persisted. Perry pretended to repeat her sentence in a mocking tone whilst using his hand as a puppet. "This is serious! What you told me yesterday-"

"Barbie, puh-_lease_!" He spat. "Do you actually not get this yet? You get all high and mighty – scratch that, high and _squeaky - _about something so trivial and easily explained and you come running to me, what do you think is going to happen? Of course, disliking the stomps and bang-blowing fun, I go ahead and spin you a tale in the hope that it will satisfy your dramatic needs or at least mess with your head, which will invariably give me some kind of pleasure for the next few days... bottom line, Blondie, it was a drunken mistake and nothing more. I lied to you. Ta-da!"

Dumb-struck, Elliot allowed her jaw to drop, and then attempted to speak. "But-but-and-huh-why-but-what-"

"_How _many times must I say this?" Perry was inwardly congratulating himself on the improvised rant and magnificent lie; it seemed so in character for him. "You want me to repeat myself? Or should I go ahead and rearrange the words so that they might make an imprint on your pathetic memory? Here goes: It was a drunken mistake. Mistake it drunken was. Was it drunken mistake? Drunken mistake it was!"

"Okay, don't hurt yourself." Elliot pouted. "I thought I was helping, sorry."

"Yeah, well, I don't need any help. You're blowing this entire thing out of proportion."

At this point, both The Todd and Carla stopped their walking past, one of them frowning and one of them already poised in the high-five position.

"I'd let you blow my thing out of proportion any day!" He nodded at Elliot, perverted eyes all over her body. "Whazzup?"

"Nothing's up!" Elliot screeched.

"Oh yes it is..."

"Todd, get the hell out of here!"

Carla continued to frown as she watched The Todd shrug and walk away. After he rounded a corner, she quickly turned her judgmental face to her best friend, and Perry exhaled deeply.

"But seriously, what have you done this time, Elliot?" She asked, apparently able to taste juicy gossip in the air.

"I haven't done anything." Elliot looked at Perry, who was pleading with his eyes. She smiled at him with an evil tint. "Oh, I thought this was just trivial? Not that important? So I can tell her, right?"

"Tell me what!" Carla jumped on the spot. "You can't hide things from me, Dr Cox, I have my ways."

"It is nothing, now please leave my life forever, thank you." He swiftly made to leave, but both females caught him up and positioned themselves either side of him. He gave an over dramatic groan and put his hands on the back of his head.

"See, Dr Cox did something that night we went for beers and only a few select people know about it." Elliot was playing on Carla's need to know everything. "Jordan knows, I know and JD sure knows, don't he, sir?"

"Shut up and shut up now." Perry snarled. They moved round a corner.

"Ooh, please tell me!" Carla was biting her lip now, bouncing along with their strides. "I promise not to let it slip, honestly, cross my heart and everything."

"You will let it slip, one day." Perry stopped in his tracks. "And to be perfectly honest, everyone in this hospital will know about it soon anyhow. Jordan knows... she won't be kind. But please, Barbie, would ya let me explain?"

"Fine, go ahead." She nodded her to the side. "But I want to be here when you do."

"Great," Perry turned to stand in front of them both and used his hands theatrically to help paint a picture for them. "I'm starting from where I want to start, though. And Blondie, if ya must be here, please know the whole secrecy rule still applies whilst the rest of the staff are clueless. Okay... I'm starting from this morning. Jordan's broken up with me and is staying at her mother's with Jack."

"Oh, my God!" Carla gasped, and even Elliot looked upset. Perry liked that – it was her fault that it had happened.

"Don't be too sad, I don't actually give a rats ass." Perry smirked a little. "All I care about is that she took Jack. I have kinda grown fond of that little man. In any case, it all comes down to me. I did something... stupid... the other night that I'm not proud of. And if you must know the gory details then you can go ahead and ask the poor guy..."

"Ask who, Jack?" Carla shook her head. "I'm confused. Did you leave your son at the bar or something?"

"I can see how I may have led you to believe this is to do with Jack, but no, God no." Perry almost smiled at this. He couldn't say it, and now he was even staring at Elliot and hoping she would do the talking now. She got the hint and blinked several times.

"When we were out that night, Dr Cox got really drunk." Elliot began, her voice croaky. Suddenly she was all Miss Sensitive. "JD and I were accompanying him to his apartment, mainly because he was so drunk that he couldn't stand up. I wanna stress the word drunk, here. Y'see, when JD was trying to help him get through his door, Dr Cox kind of... kissed... him. For, like, two seconds. I pulled them apart when JD began to complain."

"You kissed JD?" Carla shouted.

"Hush the speaker-phone, foghorn!" Perry hissed, his eyes darting around him. It was fortunate that the corridor appeared empty aside from Doug with a body bag, but he was too far away to hear a thing. "And I'd appreciate it if you don't go around telling all the nurses about this."

"Well, sure, but are you... you know, sure?" She boggled her eyes at Elliot, apparently confused as ever now.

"I'm sure." Elliot nodded.

"Well, how did JD react?" Carla persisted in her dive for more information. "I thought he was acting weird, but... this?"

"I can't say I've spoke to him." Perry face-palmed and let his hand slide down his cheek. "Poor kid runs at the sight of me."

"I've talked to him." Elliot said quietly, and suddenly both parties were listening. "Yeah, well, you know. It was uncomfortable, so he didn't say much. He just wanted to know if it really happened, you know? I said yeah, and he... he blushed and went off. He won't look at me anymore. This has caused a major rift."

Perry shrugged, honestly not caring about their little friendship over the agony of his own problems. "I don't blame him. The embarrassment will be killing him."

"How can we sort this thing out?" Elliot pleaded with him. "I miss how it used to be – me and JD, we're finally at a good level, we're past everything."

"That's what you think." Perry muttered.

"Why don't you just talk to him?" Carla placed a soothing hand on his arm and rubbed. "I'm sure once you get past the awkwardness, everything will get back to normal. I mean, it's not like you wanting to kiss him, right? It was just a mistake, we've all done it." Perry's silence did not make either female feel better. Carla freaked. "Right?"

"What you said to me yesterday." Elliot swallowed. "You were telling the truth."

Perry looked to the floor. He couldn't lie to Carla; it was just a damn shame that Barbie was here too.

"I don't believe this." Carla shook her head. "You like Bambi?"

Perry could only nod, once.

"What, sexually?"

"Oh, for God's sake...!" Perry growled. "Would ya just leave me alone, kids? We have all got patients to kill. Or in my case, save. Now scoot! And not a word to outside world, mkay?"

_I'm gonna blow this all away._

He was having that feeling again. It was the same feeling that told him to invite JD to the bar and it was the same feeling that drew him into the kiss in the first place. It was the feeling that told him he could probably live without Jordan in his life and it was the feeling that made him destroy his own apartment. It was random, unintelligible, instinctive and last minute. It was fear.

Fear that he would live the rest of his life miserable. Fear that it was his last chance at happiness. Fear that his life would be stuck in the same old rut. Fear that things would change too much.

And right now, the fear was telling him that if he didn't do as Carla said and talked to JD, things would never be the same between them. So he found himself following an oblivious Dr Dorian into the on-call room. Once inside, he saw JD laid out on a bed with his eyes closed, the lights off, and no one else in the room. This was perfect; no one to overhear this uncomfortable conversation that was about to be played out. Using the broom he had stolen from the Janitor on the way there, Perry locked the door so that no one would disturb them and make this any more awkward.

"Haley, wake up." Perry managed, standing over his protégée. Oh, how peaceful and sweet he looked. JD's eyes battered open and he looked terrified to see the company joining him. His eyes then looked towards the door, where he noticed the broom stick placed firmly in the handles.

"Why did you lock the door?" JD gasped, gathering himself from the bed.

"So that no one would come in and interrupt this horrific speech I'm about to give you." Perry shrugged. "I want to... apologise."

Yes, Perry was a chicken. His heart was telling him to confess everything but his mind, a stronger part in this terrible play, was telling him to just apologise for the kiss and get out of there. The stupid fear was too loud in both areas, making it too hard to hear which was the most important. In the end, his mind seemed to sound more rational, so a chicken he was.

JD sat forward on the bed and hugged his knees in an adorable fashion. "I'm listening."

"Well that was it." Perry frowned. "What do you expect, a song and dance about it?"

"Well, no." JD looked down. He almost looked hurt. "I just... thought there was more to it, is all."

Perry sighed. Okay, the kid deserved a proper explanation and he deserved it now. "Alright, I'm not being completely honest. There is more to this, so sit back and prepare to be bedazzled. I... like you. Not as a friend and not as mentor. Now this next part is going to kill me so don't you dare gasp or say a word during this." JD nodded. "I have liked you know for the past... God knows how long... and all I can ever think about is how you're idiotic ways are starting to... grow... on me. And yes, I was drunk that night but... I did actually want to kiss you. Now, you can do what-_hever_ you like with this information. I don't mind if you want to rub it in my face or use it against me because, well, I haven't exactly treated you well these last few weeks. One thing I stress, and one thing only: please do not tell anyone who doesn't need to know."

JD didn't say anything, but looked around and bit his lip.

"Jess?" Perry crinkled his eyes. "You can talk now, Newbie."

"Oh, right, thanks..." He inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly before standing up. "You see, it's nice to know this. I, err, have been avoiding not because I was embarrassed – well, I was. But it wasn't because of that. And it wasn't because I was scared. It was because... well, this..."

JD stood up to his tippy-toes and leaned towards Perry's face slowly, apparently scared to go in too fast, and then slightly brushed his lips against his mentor's before pulling back. He then looked up sheepishly and shrugged. Perry knew what to do, as his mind shut down and his heart did overtime. He reached out, and used one hand to push JD's back forward towards him and the other hand to grip the side of his face. He forcefully and violently kissed him back, and was delighted this time to feel him respond. JD's hands were in his curly hair, knotting through it and clinging like a monkey.

It all seemed so unreal. Certainly a good job that he locked the door beforehand.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Back, people! The song has nearly ended, but not before one more verse, which means there are only two more chapters left. I hope that this random songfic has been at the very least entertaining. It has been for me! Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

_I hope that you see me 'cause I'm staring at you._

Perry was in a cheerful mood today. Everyone had noticed, and only a few choice people actually knew what was going on to decide his very eccentric outlook on life this very morning. Yesterday and the most of last night had been incredibly elating, such a lift of weight from his usually sagged shoulders. It wasn't how he had expected it to be; there were no girly speeches or confetti filled chocolate boxes covered in pink ribbon. The term to be used in this situation was not _gay _at all. This was different to a fixed sexuality. He didn't feel this way about any other man on the planet and if someone ever asked if he wanted Angelina Jolie, he'd still say yes. Truth was, this wasn't the average black-and-white experience. He was so different to everything Perry had ever imagined.

And that was exactly why he walked into Sacred Heart that morning was a smile on his face. As he rounded a corner to meet the nurses for his dose of patients, he saw Carla and Elliot waiting by the counter, staring at him from a distance. Their eyes grew wider and their grins expanded as he approached. This didn't have the same effect on him as Newbie did, so his immediate reaction was to frown.

"Aw, what's up, Mr Grumpy?" Carla flicked her eyebrows up and down. "I thought you were up on cloud nine this morning?"

"How do you know?" Perry sighed, allowing his good mood to vanquish for a while.

"JD texted me really early." Elliot answered him. "Said that he was totally insanely happy for some reason, I asked him what and he just said that he'd had a great conversation with you."

"So we assumed." Carla shrugged. "Anyway, this is great! You listened to our advice and look what came of it. You're happy for once."

"I suppose so..." Perry's mouth began to curl upwards at the corners and soon he could not control the smile that was creeping up on his face. The two women squealed in delight.

"So, did you... you know...?" Elliot made motions with her hands. "...you know?"

Perry squinted at her attempts until Carla whispered in his ear and he almost choked. "Oh, GOD no! For God's sake, Barbie, nothing like that happened!" And then he looked down. "Not on a first date."

"Oh my God but you want to, right?" Elliot squeaked.

"This is not a conversation I am comfortable having, please leave me be." Perry growled, snatching his charts from Carla and flicking through the first pages.

"Alright, whatever," Carla held her hands up defensively. "But if you wanted to know, Bambi is in the ICU switching the IV of a patient with meningitis. You should go say hi, right?"

"Erm nooooo." Perry used slow-motion to completely summarise his feelings towards that notion. However in the back of his mind that was exactly what he wanted to do, and more. It was just a shame that it was such a public place. Damn it all to hell.

When Perry made it to the ICU, he leant against the nurse's station up there and watched JD as he spoke to one of his patients in a semi-private room. He just stared and stared at his newly acquired fancy, hoping that he would look back and that they could enjoy a secretive and heart-warming moment... oh, God. All of this lovey-dovey crap was turning him soft. Just as Perry was thinking of throwing up in the bathroom, JD finally saw him and waved. That made Perry feel a little better. JD made to exit his patients room.

_But when you look over, you look right through._

On his way towards Perry, his grin faded slightly and he stopped in his tracks. Perry frowned as JD's eyes were still looking his way, but had glazed over. He began to fidget and pretended to point at something behind him. Perry, confused, looked to see what the hell was wrong, but when he looked back, Elliot Reid was stood with him.

Ah, he got it now. Newbie was embarrassed about anybody finding out. Perry half-laughed and walked over to them with his hands in his pockets. What a shame Dr Barbie already knew...

"Hello." Perry introduced his presence, and saw the blood drain from JD's face. "Barbie, you know that conversation we had downstairs just a second or two ago?"

"Err, yah." Elliot shrugged. "What of it?"

"Would you like to share the details with our good friend Dr Dorian over here?" Perry glared at him and JD seemed to shrink on the spot. "Something along the lines of... sex."

"Sex?" Elliot frowned. "Oh... I know what's going on here." She turned to JD. "I know about you two. So does Carla, and we're gonna tell Turk. Now about Dr Cox's bad mood right now – he thinks you're embarrassed to be around him."

"Wow, Dr Barbie, you're good at this." Perry was actually impressed.

"I do this kind of thing a lot." She shrugged. "Anyhow, I best go find Keith and scream at him about how wrong the wedding plans are going."

Perry watched her walk away, a violent glare leaving his gaze. JD was also watching after her, which Perry noted before flicking him on the ear.

"Owie!" JD frowned.

"Never ever ignore me again!" Perry warned him. "Why were you falling over her anyhow?" And then it hit him. "Oh... no. No, no, no, no. No!"

"'No' what?" JD looked to the ground.

"You still like her, don't ya?"

"You know I do, everyone does," JD shrugged.

"But after what happened yesterday, three times, you still like her?" Perry winced. "I don't make out with all the guys, Newbie. It's not a regular occurrence. I expected from your reaction that you felt the same way, mkay?"

"I know!" JD whispered. "It's just that... it's Elliot! And she's still gonna marry that Keith guy. I dunno, we have so much history and everything..."

"We're making our own history now, Cinderella." Perry lifted JD's chin with his index finger and raised his eyebrows. "Or can't you handle that?"

"No, I can handle it fine!" JD assured him, pushing his finger down. "I just don't know how to get over Elliot. What's that step I need to take?"

"I don't know." Perry sighed. "But you better find it fast."

With a small kiss, they parted.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Last chapter, please enjoy. xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

_Then you lean and kiss her on the head._

The staff of Sacred Heart that wasn't on call had decided to go to the bar for some drinks in order to celebrate Turk's amazing surgical skills on a four year old that afternoon. The child had survived and was able to go home as soon as the swelling went down, and so the young scalpel jock was feeling particularly spectacular. As there was usually five to a table, Perry had chosen to sit with Turk, Carla and Elliot, as of course JD was also sitting there and he needed to be near him right now. After their scare today with him pretending not to notice his stares, they had been a little broken and Perry was determined to fix this.

For God's sake, they'd only made out three times. It wasn't even enough for them to be a proper couple and yet he was certain that it would turn out that way. Mainly because all those angst-ridden emotions he'd experienced from being lonely had surely evaporated since JD had returned his lust. Perhaps, strangely enough, they were meant to be together?

Whatever it was, it was enough for him to have to endure the rest of the annoying crew for a beer or two. Turk, as ever, was being incredibly egocentric and dancing all about the place. Carla would kiss his lips and ask him to do it again, because she loved her manly superman. Elliot clapped and laughed too, but mostly she would whisper to JD and they would conspire like they were spies or something. This irritated Perry, so before they could get into any deep conversation concerning the weekend, he mentioned the one guy he knew would get JD's goat.

"Hey, Barbie, is Keith excited about the big day then?"

JD glared at him and sat back in his chair. Elliot immediately began to squeal in delight as she described every last detail of her plans in alphabetical order. This, Carla enjoyed, but now Turk was also sulking where he sat because the limelight had been snatched from him. Perry grinned inwardly and gulped down his chaser.

"I'm gonna get another round in," JD piped up, which was obviously code for 'I can't sit through this any longer so I'm going to move'. "Anyone want anything?"

"Pint and whiskey chaser." Perry smirked at him.

"Same as last time," Carla nodded at Turk. "He'll have a beer."

"Yeah, just some bottled beer for me too," Elliot answered.

"Alright," JD smiled, and then he did something he regretted straight away. He automatically bent down, brushed her hair away and kissed her on the forehead. This wouldn't be such a problem if Perry wasn't there – he always did it, followed he a pat and Carla's head and a slap around Turk's baldness. It was just a thing that JD did. But as soon as he did this, he nervously smacked Carla and Turk at the same time and ran to the bar with a small murmur. Perry growled.

"Don't be mad at him." Carla whispered in his ear so that no one else could hear. "I know you're mad but leave it be, it's something Bambi has to sort out for himself without you pushing him around all the time. He's a human being, not a toy for your pleasure."

"I'm not," Perry hissed back. "But I'd rather he didn't act all Romeo on Miss Juliet over there!"

"You do know how that play ends, right? There's no way they make a good couple. You two are fine."

"Fine!"

JD sat back down at this point, looking from Elliot to Perry in a desperate attempt to see if things were okay. Perry just nodded at him. Turk looked confused – he still didn't know about the two of them, and for a long time they could all tell that he was missing something. He'd been trying to work it out in his stupid shiny head but had not yet come up with an answer.

"What are you doing here, Dr Cox?" He finally asked. "Not that I don't mind, so don't go off on one or anything."

"I will _nawt _go off on one." Perry replied. "I'm just enjoying the scenery."

"All the hot chicks?" Turk asked, and Carla elbowed him so he changed tactics. "Not that there are any hot chicks in this bar, baby, and if there were, I wouldn't know because I'm too busy checking you out, mm-mm!"

"That's better," Carla told him, and laughed. "You are so whipped, it's unbelievable."

"That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!"

Perry side-glanced at JD and realized something. If there was one thing that wasn't working in this relationship, it was the fact that they were keeping it quiet. Secrets and lying... Perry shook his head. The only person who didn't know was Turk, so how could it be that? Well, there was only one way to find out. Turk needed to know. It was just telling him that would prove difficult. Then again...

Perry, working on instinct, decided to just go for it. Apparently just going for it worked at the moment, so why not do that now? It was these thoughts that propelled him to suddenly leap towards JD and press his lips onto him, trying to ignore the gasps from the spectators. Obviously, JD responded, by wrapping his arms around Perry's neck and moaning in pleasure. Perry lightly held him by the hips, opened his eyes and winked at Turk.

_And I never felt so alive and so dead._

After their session at the bar, Perry had forced JD into coming home with him and staying in his apartment. He suddenly knew what the step was that JD needed to get over Elliot; it was blaringly obvious and made him want to kick himself that he didn't think of it before. He led JD towards the couch, offering him to sit down whilst he went to grab a few cold ones.

"But we've just been drinking," JD pointed out.

"Yeah, and I'm not done yet," Perry snapped back. "And after what I'm about to do, I think it would rest easier in my mind if I knew that I'd had plenty to drink beforehand."

"Why, what are you gonna do?"

"Just drink."

"Okies." JD sipped at the cold beer he had just been given and snuggled into Perry as he sat beside him. "Ooh, sticky. I do like a good hop-based beverage."

Perry laughed at this, although in some other life this wussy comment would have made him have to rant at his protégée. Now, though? It was considered cute in his books. Cute. Ha. Thinking like was making this easier, somehow.

"Right, this next part is tricky," Perry told him, putting down his now empty bottle and folding his arms. "Makes me wish I was dead, but I have to do this."

"I wish you'd at some point tell me what's going on," JD sighed. "But, okay."

"Hmm." Perry took a deep breath in, closed his eyes momentarily and then released. "Alright... take your damn shirt off."

JD almost split his drink. "What?"

"Just do it!"

Looking amused and scared at the same time – if that's even possible – JD began to unbutton his shirt under the watchful surveillance of his bug-eyed mentor. It was difficult to watch for Perry, because although he could just about kiss the kid in public, it was another thing attempting the next step in their awkward relationship. Something had to happen and he was going to make it happen.

"There, all done. Now what...?" JD almost said that with a smirk, and Perry definitely liked that.

Something in Perry's mind didn't wish that he was dead anymore. He felt more than that. He felt _alive._ He gave an evil smile to his protégée.

"Take your pants off."


End file.
